Me and my Little Batman

Here's Jason and I hamming it up, while we wait for John to get his shoes on--as usual...

Me and Hunny...

This is us kissing and making up.
See? We're still love birds after all...

To be continued...(in the bedroom*wink*)

Definition needed.

Can anyone tell me exactly what makes a "good" woman? I hear it's one who has no inner thoughts, hopes or dreams and lives her life completely for someone else. Is it really that narrow? Can it be just a slight possibility that you can have all those things and still love others with all your heart and even if you're not perfect, you never stop trying for the ones you love? Seeing how the opposite of good is evil--I guess I'm just a mean, nasty, hateful, unloving person. But help me out here because I'm a bit confused--I think I give way too many hugs and kisses and loving and not to mention, cooking, cleaning, washing laundry, time spend trying to talk things out, and always trying to improve my self for others too be completely evil. So I guess I'm at least part good, or there are good things about me, right? I certainly don't expect perfection anyone else (maybe myself), but what I do expect is a little trying. I'm trying all the time. But I guess trying is just not good enough.

I have no life.

But in other news, my house is getting pretty clean--soon to be spotless and maybe even dusted.

Still hangin' in there kitty...

Well, Conner started back at school yesterday. For the very first time there was some drama. He was afraid of meeting all those new people, but by the end of the day he said it was fine. Still doesn't seem thrilled at the prospect of going again, but at least this morning there were no tears. I'm afraid for him, it's hard to turn him loose into the wide world, but eventually that's where he'll have to live, so he's got to go. I wish I could go with him and convince all the other kids that he's a cool guy and lots of fun, but then he'd be a woosie mama's boy, so he'll just have to get to know them on his own. One more month to go and John will be in school as well, and then I just won't know what to do with myself with only one baby at home. I guess my house will finally start being spotless like I always dreamt it would be. *wink* Well, I'm gonna chill for now, but maybe later, you'll get your chance (to hear from me again). Peace out.

Clouds over my heart.

So you ever notice that the weather mirrors you moods? I don't know if it's merely coincidence or so cosmic overlapping, but the last week as been rainy and muddy, dark and gloomy as have my thoughts, but last night it cleared away and gave us sunny skies today and also my darkness has been swept away for the time being. It does so good to talk and clear the heart. Sometimes I just want to shut down and not say anything at all, because I feel like it won't make any difference anyways, but it does make a difference. I am still tired of trying, I'm just tired in general of the rut I'm in, but at least I know I'm not the only one. If you're gonna have to struggle, isn't it better to make that struggle with someone else?

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, gimme the news--I gotta bad case of loving blues!! I feel like I'm alone in this. Is there anything I can do?

Doctor: Only one thing I can tell you to do, to cure the love sick blues, so listen carefully. My Rx is TALK, TALK, TALK and things will work out, you'll see.

Something for you (nobody) to read:

Things I have done in my lifetime, as of today:


(x) Smoked a joint (many)
() Been in a wet t-shirt contest (but I have had a wet t-shirt in front of others)
(x) Crashed a car (my first three--none since)
(x) Stolen a car (shhh...)
(x) Been in love (it hurts)
() Had a threesome
(x) Been dumped (poor me)
(x) Shoplifted (I was a bad girl)
(x) Been fired (pregnant hormones)
(x) Been in a fist fight (loved to throw down)
(x) Snuck out of the house (sorry Mom)
(x) Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back (so sad)
(x) Been arrested (I was a bad bad girl)
(x) Made out with a stranger (blush)
() Gone on a blind date
(x) Lied to a friend (again shhh...)
() Been to Europe (life's dream--seems impossible)
(x) Skipped school (see bad girl comment)
() Seen someone die
() Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane (thanks Grandpa--I'm a seasoned flyer)
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show (ughhh..let's do the time warp again)
() Thrown up in a bar (after leaving one...)
(x) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire (ok--it sounded like a good idea)
() Eaten Sushi
() Been skiing (but I live by a resort)
() Met someone from the internet in person
() Been moshing at a concert
() Been in an abusive relationship (not physically anyways)
(x) Taken painkillers (love that Vicoden--hahaha, I avoid drugs)
(x) Love someone or miss someone right now (both)
(x) Lay and watch cloud shapes go by (often)
(x) Made a snow angel
(x) Had a tea party
(x) Flown a kite
(x) Built a sand castle
(x) Gone puddle jumping
(x) Played dress up (still love to)
(x) Jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) Gone sledding
(x) Cheated while playing a game (oops...)
(x) Been lonely (recently)
(x) Fallen asleep at work/school
() Used a fake ID
(x) Watched the sunset
() Felt an earthquake
(x) Touched a snake
(x) Slept beneath the stars
(x) Been tickled
() Been robbed
(x) Been misunderstood (frequently)
(x) Pet a reindeer/goat
(x) Won a contest/race
(x) Run a red light
(x) Been suspended from school
(x) Been in a car accident
() Had braces
(x) Felt like an outcast
() Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Had deja vu
(x) Danced in the moonlight (love of old)
(x) Hated the way you look (constantly)
(x) Witnessed a crime (witnessed--try participated)
(x) Pole danced (but I didn't get paid)
() Been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) Walked barefoot through the mud
(x) Been lost (not very often)
() Been to the opposite side of the world
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Felt like dying (...)
(x) Cried yourself to sleep (often and unnoticed)
(x) Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) Sung karaoke (one of my favorite things)
(x) Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldnt
(x) Made prank phone calls when you were younger
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced naked in the rain (probably stoned)
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe (but only by my Dad and Grandpa--in a non-sick way)
(x) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Had a bonfire on the beach
(x) Crashed a party
(x) Gone rollerblading
() Had a wish come true
() Worn pearls (not real ones)
(x) Jumped off a bridge
(x) Screamed the word penis in public
(x) Ate dog/cat food (I was very young--it was crunchy--cat food)
() Told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) Kissed a mirror
(x) Sang in the shower (everytime)
(x) Owned a little black dress (not recently)
(x) Had a dream that you married someone else (hey--I can't control my dreams!)
() Glued your hand to something
() Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
() Kissed a fish
(x) Worn the opposite sexs clothes (that Halloween when I was pregnant)
() Been a cheerleader (dance team though)
(x) Sat on a roof top
(x) Screamed at the top of your lungs (my throat still hurts)
(x) Done a one-handed cartwheel (I was a gymnast in the olden days)
(x) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) Stayed up all night
(x) Didnt take a shower for a week (Army--I love you)
(x) Picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) Climbed a tree
(x) Had a tree house (I adopted it anyways)
() Are NOT scared to watch scary movies
(x) Believe in ghosts (well--let's just say I'm not sure what gives me the willies sometimes)
() Have more than 30 pairs of shoes
(x) Worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
(x) Gone streaking
(x) Played chicken
(x) Been skinny dipping (done more than just be naked, if ya get my drift)
(x) Been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
(x) Been told youre beautiful by a complete stranger (Thank you Alco man)
(x) Broken a bone (a toe at 26--how 'bout that?)
(x) Been easily amused
(x) Caught a fish then ate it (cooked)
(x) Caught a butterfly
(x) Laughed so hard you cried
() Cried so hard you laughed
(x) Mooned/flashed someone (naughty me!)
(x) Had someone moon/flash you (naughty Joe H.)
(x) Cheated on a test (how else do you graduate?)
(x) Forgotten someones name (frequently)
(x) Slept naked (frequently)
(x) French braided someones hair
() Grown a beard (I hope I never do)

Pics from today.

Cutest Baby Ever!
Conner's Gap Tooth Smile
Heeeeere's Johnny!

Sorry 'bout that.

I'm just feeling moody. You'll have to forgive me. But really you have no choice--you don't have to read this blog, and I can put what I want. I'm really just fishing for reaction. Sorry just the same. But I'm not taking it off.

Give up, give up...

I'm really thinking nobody looks at this thing at all. It's pretty depressing to be stuck here all alone and I throw out my lifeline (this blog) to ya'll and still nobody pulls me in. My husband is gone all day working and I hardly ever see him. I feel like a single mom with no support system (except Mom--who speaks to me online, but still doesn't post comments if she checks this thing, even though I've asked her to.) I keep asking and asking ya'll to post comments, but no one does. There's nothing wrong with the comment poster--I've checked it and even gotten one or two--so that's not a good excuse. I'm really not feeling motivated to post for you people. I'm just adrift on this Island they call Pagosa with only my small children for company and a husband who barely makes it home in time to go to bed. It's rainy today and that makes me trapped inside a house I don't own, so I can't even paint the walls red if I wanted to. Life is so odd, or maybe it's just me.

I'm a model, you know what I mean.

And I shake my little tush on the catwalk... Okok, so I'm an exhibitionist. I like to play with my webcam--so sue me. On the plus side--you get to see lots of shots of my pretty little face. Bon appetite!

And FYI--I was all dressed up tonight for my husband, for no reason at all other than looking pretty for him. That and he asked me to curl my hair a few nights ago. There I go, tryin' to please him...*blush*

Johnny's off to school! (keeping fingers crossed)

I have some pretty good news. Johnny is probably going to be able to be in pre-k. You know I can't afford it, but the headstart program here has a half day program for the kids who don't qualify financially, but could still benefit from early learning before kinder (there's a checklist--things like short attention span, his brother's speech problems, lack of childcare in the area, not close family nearby, ect...), so it looks good. He didn't get in last year, but they make the 4 year olds a priority. I'll know for sure by Sept 1st. How awesome is that? It's four hours a day, so I may be able to work part time, but even if I can't at least I get a break and he gets to have some better structured learning than I do here. I'm thrilled--this would be great!

My Army Man...

Okok, so he's not really my man--at least in the romantic sense--but he is my cousin, and I might add a nice piece of eye candy (he made me say that)--so here he is. This was taken when he was back in Iraq, but now he's home and conveniently located in Killeen at Ft. Hood (for you ladies who wanted to know.) I have his number for anyone who wants is---lol, watch out though--he's a pimp.

Checking in...

I know I've been non-posting. I tried to get some pics up, but my comp. is full again (Thanks for downloading those games kiddos...*rolling eyes*), and it wouldn't let me add the pics from my camera. I'm working on it. I have CD burner now, but no CD's to burn to, so it'll be awhile. But I promise I'll update soon. Much love to ya'll!!

Nice to see everyone.

The trip to TX was a long one. On the plus side, when I got home, I got to see everyone I wanted too. Mom was there and awake and my cousin Anthony, and then my sis Mandy and her husband showed up with my big little nephew, Sean. Then Anthony ran me over to Kristal's house where I saw her and the twins, Kennedy and Marin and my cousin Kimmie as well. Then we decided to stop by the hotel and see my grandparents (not Anthony's--he was such a sweetie to hang with me), and lo-and-behold, my Dad was there! I haven't seen Dad in years, so that was a nice surprise, I sure did miss him. I got to ride in his truck (scary!) and talk alot with Grandmommy and Grandpa, it was so wonderful. Anthony and I were going to go out, but when we got home it was almost 10 and I was wiped--so we decided to hang at the house and have a few beers. I remember laying on the couch and trying to listen to a story from him and the next thing I knew I woke up and it was 4 in the morning. LOL--needless to say I made it to my Mom's fluffy bed and got alot of much needed ZZZs.

I flew out Sunday and was layed over in Denver for an extra,and was sooooooooo incredibly happy to make it home to my man (and great to have a nice talk and unload all the crap that had been bothering me, so that there's nothing between us) and my kids and get to sleep soundly next to my nice, warm husband. It's sooooooo good to be home!

Here's some more recent pics. The bottom is the 4th of July parade. The middle is at the top of Wolf Creek Pass, and the top is my baby and my friend's baby.

Change, she is acomin'...

If you've found your way here, congratulations. I am making some changes in my life lately. I will try to post frequently, but I'm focused on my husband and kids for now, and getting my house in order. I still love my peoples! I'm keep my head up, and although it's a bit sad, it's something I just have to do. Much love to ya'll!