A lovely day, a lovely day, it's a lovely day!

Snow's coming soon--yay!!! The weather here is beautiful and I finally got a work-out in this morning instead of being lazy. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to stick with it and make that push for the last 10 pounds I have to lose. And it's not just weight, I'm sick of having a flabby stomach even if it is thinner. I want is as hard as I can get it. I've gained back up to like 135, in case you were wondering, and I think it's gone far enough. I barely got into my size 5's, I don't need to go up again or I won't have any pants to wear!!

For those of you who were wondering, the test went fine. I left the house later than I wanted, so I had to poke and tickle Conner to keep him awake after 5, but then we got to have a "date" for breakfast and then the test was no biggie. Conner was a little worried at first that the electrodes would hurt when they took them off, so the tech pulled one off and showed him it wouldn't, and then he was fine. The hardest part was getting him to lay still until he fell back alseep, but then he just got to sleep for 2 hours and look at a strobe light with his eyes closed while he was waking up. He got a copy of part of the read-out, so he thinks that's really cool--he has a printout of his brain! He having a good ole time with his new Dallas Cowboys Nerfball at school and now we just wait for the test results to come back. They said about 5 days. I'm not too nervous, I think we can handle anything.

Jody's got something up his sleeve that he says will be great for us. Don't know what that means, but I'm not going to needle it out of him this time, I'm just going to be surprised for a change. I have to confess that I'm really wondering though...

We have digital cable now, with like 50 music channels, so my musical abstinence is finally over---yay!!! Peace out ya'll!

21 questions. (ok, it's really 50.)

1. What is your middle name? Marie

2. What color underwear are you wearing? Lavender

3. What are you listening to right now? Teletubbies (The cartoon? PBS-kids*shrugs*)

4. What are the last 2 digits in your phone number? 65 (so close!)

5. What was the last thing you ate? A Nutty Buddy--but only one.

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Blue

7. How is the weather right now? Chilly and breezy

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? A friend

9. What's the first 2 things you notice about the opposite sex? Arms and Eyes

10. Favorite type of Food? The good kind. (I like to try new things.)

11. Do you drink? I've been known to.

12. Do you smoke? I've been known to--but I don't buy 'em! *wink*

13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember what you did? Only once.

15. Eye Color? Hazel (A guy once said they were amber--that's cool.)

16. Do you wear contacts? No

17. Single? Nope.

18. Favorite Month? April---heehee

19. Have you ever cried for no reason? I usually have a reason. I cry easily and often.

20. Last Movie you Watched? Daredevil

21. Favorite Day of the Year? My birthday, maybe tied with Christmas because I love the looks on my boy's faces.

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Probably--but I haven't been faced with that since I was 15 and the guys usually asked the girls in my day.

24. Hugs or Kisses? Both.

25. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

26. Do you want your friends to respond? It's cool--whatever.

27. Who is most likely to respond? ???

28. Who is least likely to respond? Jody

29. What books are you reading? Harry Potter series right now--and a book on expanding my vocabulary--I'm proliferating.

30. Piercings? Ears and they're from when I was 7 and rarely see earrings. I a low maintenance gal.

31. Fav. Movie? LOTR--#1

32. Fav. baseball Team? Astros

34. Any pets? Well, if you count the mice and skunks that live under the house...

35. AIM? AOL SUCKS!!!

36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? I don't eat corn, it makes you fat.

37. Dogs or cats? I'd love either. But probably cats--they're low maintenance.

38. Favorite Flower? Daisies.

39. Guy or Girl? *me or my sexual preference? I'm a woman who likes men (well, only one--but you KWIM.)

40. Music, loud or soft? That depends on my mood.

41. Sci-Fi or fantasy? Fantasy

42. Who inspires you? My mom.

43. Tell us about your life's epiphany? I'm still waiting for it. Right now I'm plodding through.

44. Have you ever fired a gun? 19 out of 20 in the prone baby--would have been 20 but I had my safety on for the first shot. DON'T piss me off!!!

45. Do you like to travel by plane? I wish I was a flight attendant.

46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right

47. Where are you? Home in my downstairs living room.

48. How many pillows do you sleep with? One.

49. Are you missing someone? You could say that.

50. Who do you think is gorgeous? Uhhh?? My babies!!! (ok, and Brad Pitt in Troy if you twist my arm!)

Some shots.

I swear I'm going to get some newer pics on here soon. I have about 70 on my camera that I can't fit on my computer because my shitty hard drive's full. As soon as I can, I'll give you a plethora of pictures to peruse.

My head hurts.

I have too many thoughts bombarding me. I want to crawl in bed and sleep all day but the kids keep me from doing that of course. I'm forever in this non-changing circle of recurrent shit. Peace in my life lasts only brief spells. I love/hate the mountains. I yell so much my throat hurts sometimes. I don't' know how to help myself, therefore I am not qualified to help others. I'm not being very specific here, but I have to watch what I say always, because people love to twist my words and there's nobody I can really trust. I shouldn't be rambling on like this now. People will think I've lost my mind. Whatever. I think maybe I'm bi-polar or something. I was reading this thing, and I sound like two different people sometimes. Right now, the happy me is making me sick to my stomach. But I guess I'll just have to live with it, we have other monetary priorities.

I'm too good!!!

I made my oldest son sooooo happy today! I am proud of me. But I guess I better suck up the love now, because Dada's probably gonna get pissed when he gets here---too bad, it's out of my money. *shrugs* What in the world are you talking about, you ask? Last night when I was tucking my biggest boy in bed he said with a sigh, "Mommy, I wish I had a bunkbed."
"Why's that sweetie?", I asked.
To which he replied, "I can hang on hang on it and it would be cool."
So like they say, when it's meant to be, the opportunity presents itself. When I walked in the door to the thrift store, to find myself some jeans, I had to go down a hall where they store "new" things, to go to the restroom and I noticed a bunkbed. It wasn't priced yet, so the clerk said she'd find out and I went on with my shopping. I was in the mist of trying on a dozen pairs of jeans to find one that would fit, when she came to tell me what's up. $30. That's it. This is a nice set maybe from the 70's--with a built in dresser and shelves and a secret hiding place (a closet), all solid wood, even came with mattresses (which I will be replacing with my newer ones I already have). I was giddy with excitement to make him so happy and he really was impressed. I love to give my kids what they want. And hey, we will need another bed when Jason leaves his crib anyways.

Yay Me!

The sich...

Test is scheduled for Sept. 28th, so pray or cross your fingers, or hope for the best--whatever floats your boat. We're going on with life as normal. I don't notice the spells as much as I used to, but maybe it's because I keep trying to. Anyways, once he has the test we'll have a better idea of what's going on and I'll keep ya updated.
Johnny started school on Tues and he's loving it. He acts like he's been going all his life--just hopped on one foot into class to day and didn't even tell be "Bye-bye!" :( But I guess that's a good thing--just shows he's well-adjusted, right? Jason is just such a calm baby here with no brother to chase--so we're going to start getting out and running around more so he doesn't get bored at home.
It snowed up here in Co for the first time yesterday. In some other county, but still. Temps at night are already below freezing--I think we have an early winter coming this year.
Peace out for now!

My Conner.

I took the kids to the doctor on Friday and most of them are doing well--growing fine and healthy.

Conner is another story. For the last year I've noticed him "blanking out" when he talks often and when he does it, his eye shifts only slightly. I started to suspect it may be a neurological thing so I brought it up to the doctor of course. She strongly suspects it is a form of epilepsy called "Absence Seizures" otherwise known as "Petite Mal Seizures". http://www.epilepsy.com/epilepsy/seizure_absence.html The test needed to confirm this so that he can get medication and get it under control runs around $500. We could swing that, but that's only the test. He also has to see a neurologist and have follow visits to try to find out why and make sure he doesn't have a tumor or anything. *sigh* I know we need to do these things for his well-being and I wouldn't put it off just to have that vacation or new couches, but I'm just lamenting the insurance situation in our country. It's so nice that we can afford to liberate Iraq and pay billions for hurricane victims (I'm not saying they don't need it.), but we can't make sure that every child who has a potentially life threatening illness can get the care they need. I've already put it off longer than I wanted, because of how much it will cost and ignorance is bliss----or so they say. But I can't deny it, and I wouldn't. But it makes me think about the parents who have children with cancer or that do have a brain tumor and put it off like I did and don't find out till it's too late. All because they're not welfare poor, but can't afford to come close to hitting their health insurance deductible (ours is $4000.) This country has issues. But we kept the shitty president we had because we couldn't stand the thought of gay marriage. Hmmm...What's more important? Having a war we can't afford and no healthcare or having a dude marry a dude that in no way effects anyone but the people getting married and doesn't stop a man and woman from marriage. Me? I choose the health of our children--of my son. I guess Bush prefers my son to have seizures.

I gotta go now, I feel the need to hug my babies.

Payback's a you-know-what...

Heehee--Mommy went shopping today. As usual all my stuff was for the house (except my new shoes and socks. *wink*), but I did get something that makes me very happy and less mad at Hubby for the PS2 stunt (and cost ALOT less!). I got myself a $30 service for 12 at the thrift store. They're really pretty, Faberware and the name is "Austin", isn't that a trip? A Service for 12!!! It's an awesome price and I'm thrilled. You wouldn't think I'd get so thrilled over dishes, but I've had these ugly old things for year now and only have 2 bowls left. Now I have a set big enough to serve everyone if I had to add all three leaves to my table, (*cough*Thankgiving--please somebody come!) LOL. I'll post a pic so you can feast you eyes on it. Oh yeah, I also got a $5 "learn spanish" DVD, so we'll see how that goes. !Hasta la man~ana!

Daily grind.

Not much here. Home visit with John's teachers today. They did an assessment on him and he's pretty smart--not really a genius, BUT he may be a mathematical prodigy!! I'm not kidding! Well, ok this was no IQ test--just a 'where he is' assessment, but they have a portion where he counts as high as they can and the highest they can score is to count to 20. (This test is for 4 year olds.) My baby counted to 59! She even wrote that underneath and underlined it! Ok, maybe genius is a strong word, but he is very intense when he's counting. He can count to 100, just sometimes gets off track or misses some. And of course he knew all his shapes and colors and some of his letters. But I don't know that that's so special--but I do know some 4 year olds don't know those things. So that was exciting.

And then I took the older boys to the dentist and they have great teeth, except Conner needs to brush the molars better and he couldn't get his x-rays even though he's old enough now, bc their new digital ones were to big and made him gag until he cried. Cheaper for me--only 28 bucks! I always thought it'd be more expensive than that. We'll be going more regularly now. But maybe not to that dentist--he was sorta rude--barely said two words to me. Maybe he was mad that he wouldn't be getting paid for the x-rays...

Oh and I guess we're rich now because we are proud new parents of a Playstation 2. What??? You can't tell how thrilled I am? Yeah, I'm sure it will bring me hours of entertainment. Screw buying a house. *sigh*

Another stupid survey.

Ok, I'm really sorry about this one. It looks like it was written by a twelve year old. I'm so sorry-it's just something to do.

First Name:	A month
Middle Name:	Maria, maria
Birthday:	Another Month
Eyes:	Brownish Hazel--but I like to think they look greenish in the right light.
Hair:	Brown (ish?), I haven't seen the natural thing in years.
Fav color:	Blue
Day/Night:	Sunny Days/Starry Nights
Fave Food:	Spinach (that's why I have big muscles like Popeye!)
FRIENDS AND LIFE
Do you ever wish you had another name?	Yeah--but only when people made fun of mine (HATE Ninga Turtles!)
Do you like anyone?	I like plenty of people.
Which one of your friends acts the most like you?	Uhhhh...is this like, 5th grade?
Who's the loudest?	Me.
Who have you known the longest of your friends?	My sister.
Who's the shyest:	I don't have that many friends.
Are you close to any family members?	yes
When you cried the most:	that's personal--since I've been married.
What's the best feeling in the world:	Giving birth.
Worst Feeling:	Losing someone.
FINISH EACH SENTENCE:
Let's walk on the:	wild side.
Let's run through:	daisies.
Let's look at the:	stars.
What a nice:	day.
Where did all the:	cowboys go?
Why can't you:	all just get along?
Silly, little:	me.
Tell me:	you love me.
HAVE YOU:
Ran away from home:	yes
Pictured your crush naked:	yes
Skipped school:	yes
Broken someone's heart:	Maybe.
Been in love:	Yes.
Cried when someone died:	No.
Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have:	yes.
Done something embarrassing:	yes.
Done a drug:	yes.
Cried in school:	yes.
RANDOM
Your Good Luck Charm:	My good moods.
Person You Hate Most:	Ohhh, hates a very drastic and ugly word.
Best Thing That Has Happened:	???
Ice Cream:	Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.
WHO Makes you laugh the most:	My silly husband.
Makes you smile:	My kids.
Has A Crush On You:	I hope nobody.
Do You Have A Crush On Someone:	My man!
HAVE YOU EVER
Fallen for your best friend?:	maybe.
Made out with JUST a friend?:	yes.
Kissed two people in the same day?:	I don't recall.
Had sex with two different people in the same day?:	Not that I can recall.
Been rejected: .	yes.
Been in love?:	yes.
Been used?:	maybe.
Done something you regret?:	yes.
Cheated on someone?:	NO!
Been called a tease:	yes.
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
You touched?:	My baby when I tucked him in.
You talked to on the phone?:	Jeremy. (When he called to speak with Jody.)
You hugged?:	My husband.
You instant messaged?:	Teresa.
You kissed?:	My baby goodnight.
You yelled at?:	My husband.
Who text messaged you?:	I don't have a cell phone. :(
Who broke your heart?:	My husband.
Who told you they loved you?:	My husband.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

I have gas. (not)

Gas is up to $3.19 a gallon here for regular unleaded. It was already up to $2.75 a few days ago. What is this world coming to? It makes me sick, but here's a picture to lighten things up...

Weight Update.

I just realized that I haven't updated my weight in awhile. Well, I did manage to get down a few while Kace was here--127# to be exact--but in the last month I've GAINED back 2 lbs, putting me at 129# for now. And although I'm still 4# short of my goal of 125#, I've relaxed a bit--b/c hey--129# is not fat! I just have to remind myself that. I guess I'll have to wait till my tummy tuck to really feel comfortable with my body again, no matter what I weigh. DARN HUGE BABIES!! Just kidding, it's my own fault for stuffing my face so much--and they're worth it anyways! Jody told me he'd love me even if I weighed 300#s, so I may as well go ahead and have that donut--put him to the test! Hahaha!!

In other news...

I had a meeting tonight to meet John's new teachers and learn about his pre-k program!!! Yay! Two down and one to go!! I know I've said that before, but I thought it bore repeating. I nearly cried when I saw his name floating in a balloon high up on the classroom wall...it seemed like a metaphor for my baby starting his long assent on the runway of childhood and his flight away from me and into adulthood. *cry* But that's what kids do, right? Grow? I think he's gonna have alot of fun. That kid's a wild one, don't know where he gets it from...*wink*

Like OMG!!! Where have you been all my life???

Ok, I'm being overly dramatic ass usual, but really--the last 10 years at least! I was perusing peeps form my old HS and my eyeballs almost popped out of their sockets when I saw my little (but very grown up now) step-sister!! So, I wasn't really sure, but given her web addy name and her looks, and from checking her friends blog where she was referred to by her first and middle names (that would be a coincidence indeed, had it not been her)--I drew the hypothesis that it was indeed her and decided to write a letter. I was trembling as I wrote it, because well, it's been ten years--and if you know my past--you know why it was so weird. Nuff said.

She didn't answer till the next day and I was a bit nervous that A) It wasn't her after all, or B) She hated me and didn't want to speak to me. So just when I was going to give up and wait another 10 years--she wrote me back!!! *SPLAT!!!* (that was my eyes popping out--I warned you...)

So I wrote her back and then she got my other ex-step sis' (and long time BFF) IM addy, and we've been talking for two days. I can't believe I've even gotten supper on the table we've been talking so much.

It's so weird--I've spent so much time wondering how there lives have turned out--worrying that our chaotic child hood had spewed them in to unhappy wasted pathetic adult lives (I can't believe I didn't get swept there!), and here they are--normal (well--close enough) people--living fairly normal lives. And eerily similar to mine and my sisters...hmmm... So I could fill you in on all the details--but I'm sure there's so much left to learn, and as usual, I've babbled on long enough. I've got to go and try to plow into Harry Potter's life, or I may never read again...

Peace out ya'll--and remember this : The past might have kicked your ass, but it only keeps kicking it if you allow it to by living in it. Hope lies forward.